Scrapbooking

Wingnuts Flying Circus

Been meaning to make this post for a while now because we had so much fun! It was our first time as a family and I was the only one who had been to one in the past. Our little town of Tarkio, MO put on quite the show. Very impressed. Tarkio is a nice, quiet little town that I have honestly been trough maybe 3 or 4 times in my life.

The only negative of the entire day was that we left a little early. Liam was getting really cranky and it was hotter than the blazes of hell!!! The show was still going strong as we left and the roads were all blocked off. We ended up getting lost out in the cornfields….

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I could feel little Malachai right there with me! Of course there was no cell service because we were in the middle of nowhere! We spent a good 20 minutes just cruising through the nothingness.

Needless to say, we were super happy to find our way back to the highway!

If you have never been to an Air Show, I highly recommend it! Check out this link for program schedules:

Wingnuts Flying Circus

I can’t remember when I scrapped last. I love it. I think it just takes so long that I just don’t typically give myself enough “me” time to complete a LO. I found this super cute amazing kit by Misty Cato. She is so very talented and I couldn’t wait to start on this project! This kit is called Brave Wings. If you are a digi scrapper I recommend checking her and the other gals from Sweet Shoppe (My favorite store) out. You will not be disappointed! Wanting to start digital scrap but don’t know where to begin? Message me, I will set you on the right path. Life is about making memories. In 30 years, you will have a bunch of pictures that are merely “pictures”. Why not make them beautiful memories that you can print and frame????

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Today is my Mama’s Birthday. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of her. Today while I was walking the track, I saw a Cardinal sitting on the fence and it flew right in front of me. I have heard that your loved ones can work with those in the animal world to send you a sign of their presence by getting a cardinal, a blue jay or a large hawk to act abnormally in your presence for just long enough to get your attention. We always spent her birthdays together. I think this was her way of telling me that just maybe she misses me too! She would have been 74.

Happy Birthday Mama. 

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Weight Loss Journey

Just Do It.

This morning I woke up when my husband got up to go to the bathroom. That little fit broad that lives inside of me, told to get up and go. Yesterday morning I was supposed to have todays motivation…but it didn’t exactly happen that way.

I laid my clothes out on Thursday night, even set my alarm. (set my alarm to work out??? When did I become this crazy person???) I got up, played on my phone a bit then lost all motivation to do anything but go back to bed. I did manage to get all my crops planted and send a few planes on Township. (an ongoing obsession…don’t judge)

Today, I didn’t even look at my phone. No. I take that back. I did look at my phone, only to check to see if there was a deposit in our bank account. We have been waiting since February for Duane’s SSDI back pay. They apparently are in no hurry to get it to us. You can’t just tell a person, hey you will be getting 7-9k sometime.  We have had this money spent a hundred different ways in our heads. Needless to say. It wasn’t there. Again.  I just didn’t wanna be walking around some stupid track with a bunch of money in the bank. (This is why I live the way I do. I like to spend money!!!)

I threw my workout clothes on. My shirt was a little snug and I debated on changing it as I can’t stand a tight shirt. Not that it bothers me much. It’s a self conscious thing. I don’t want to be that girl anymore. Instead…I kept the shirt on, as motivation. This is why I keep doing this. This is why I skip dessert. (most of the time). This is why I count my calories and think about everything I put in my body. This is why I set that alarm. This is why I get up and “do it”.

The last several weeks, I have been walking around town rather than the track. We have had a dog problem and the last time I was out early in the am, I had my Ipod on and I couldn’t even hear this dog barking at me. He could have ripped my whole face off before I knew he was there. Needless to say, it did get me moving a bit faster.

I was the first one at the track this morning. As I got out of my car, an older couple pulled up. I, being my typical cheery self, said “GOOD MORNING!!!”. Now either they snubbed me completely or their “Good Morning” was not as perky as mine. Either way…they were not happy to be there with me. (just a sense) After a couple laps…they left.

I was later joined by an older lady. I see this lady out walking a lot while I am out. She looked to be maybe 70 or so. (but I am horrible at guessing age…she could have been 90). She followed me around the track a couple times. I turned my head to keep an eye on her. (I was not about to be passed by a 90 year old woman) At some point she passed me on the inner lane (I always walk the outer). She startled me at first cuz I was in a Jason Aldean “The Truth” concert all by myself for just a moment. When she first passed me, I started to walk faster (again…she had several years on me). Then I thought, she is in the inner lane, just let her go. I wasn’t feeling up to racing this sweet little thing. After she got about 10-15 feet in front of me. She started doing arm exercises and I giggled at first as I would never do this out in public for all the world to see. She didn’t care. She did it anyway. I then looked at the varicose veins in her legs and the speed she was going and I thought. How absolutely wonderful. Why can’t everyone do this at her age? At 70, my Mom could only walk short distances without becoming short of air and complaining of leg pain.

I knew right then and there. This was gonna be me. I want this to be me. I need this to be me. At that moment, my arms started hurting as well. I was on my 2nd mile and they were just kinda hanging there. So I followed her lead. A couple laps later, she walked off the track. I didn’t see her go to her car and I wondered what she was doing. When I got to the gate I looked over at her to make sure she didn’t collapse or something. Would you believe she was stretching? I smiled at her and picked up my pace. Got a couple more laps in then poured myself into my car and went home.

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Current Weight: 176

Uncategorized

Frustration and Depression

Who’s frustrated? 

Me!!!!

This Girl!

I’m not losing weight at all. I am trying, but not REALLY trying. I’m bored but yet still motivated. Food seems to be my problem lately. I admit, I have even gained a couple pounds. I want to eat everything in sight! (not even kidding) Currently looking forward to my trip to St. Joe on Friday with my favorite little boy! Why?

THERE WILL BE FOOD!

I have been walking almost every single day so that is obviously what has kept me afloat! I have been trying to “maintain” and work on this annoying belly bulge while I figure out what to do with these damn cravings!! Cravings for ice cream, for M&Ms, for Chinese Food, French Fries, Donuts….dammit….everything I shouldn’t eat!!!!

Depression. 

I am not one to admit that things are less than perfect and a person can only pretend for so long. I have struggled my entire life (or as far back as I can remember) with depression. What do I do when I am depressed?

I eat.

This is why I am fat. I know. It’s a daily (yes, daily) struggle.

I won’t get into WHY I am depressed because honestly I don’t think anyone really cares or wants to read that. I also realize depression is very very common and probably many of you reading this are feeling the same way.

Fear not, I am not suicidal or have plans to end my life or yours. I just get tired of life’s struggles. Sometimes it just seems like a vicious circle that I can’t get out of! Again, I know I am not alone. Truth is: Life sucks…a lot of the time.  I know I quote my Mama a lot and I will continue to do so as she was hands down the most influential person in my life so I apologize if that offends some of you.

When I was 12, we moved from Overland Park, KS to Atchison, KS. I did not want to move. God I didn’t want to move. My Mom wanted to be closer to her family and found a little house that would soon be their first (and only) house that they would own. It wasn’t fancy…not in the least. It was theirs and they LOVED it. I however, was being moved (what seemed liked cross country) from the only 2 friends I had. When I started school at Trinity Lutheran in the 7th grade…it was tough. I was an outsider. The rest of these kids had been together since kindergarten.

I had no friends for a long time. Some of the girls were NOT nice and I can remember a lot of things that they said to me that I wish that I would forget.  It’s been 30 years. Why would that matter now? Anyway…where I was going with this. Some days were bad. Really bad. Mama always knew just what to say to make it all better. She would always tell me “You have to have a bad day once in a while to REALLY appreciate the good ones!” She was absolutely right!

I still think about those words years later on those really “rough” days.

Later on, I made some friends. Some great friends that I still have today. We don’t talk often but I know they are there and would be there for me if I ever needed anything! They are the only reason I survived High School!!!

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That was kinda depressing huh? (YIKES)

Let’s lighten the mood a bit with a little something different….

10 Things I can’t Live Without!!!

  1. My Children ( I would have had a couple more…but it wasn’t “God’s Plan”)
  2. My Husband (He drives me absolutely crazy on most days but still kinda love him!)
  3. My Cell Phone (My life line…this thing does everything!)
  4. HGTV (I know I will never in my life own a house like these but I sure love to watch. My current favorite? Beach Front Bargain Hunt!)
  5. Diet Dr. Pepper (it’s the best!!!)
  6. My Ipod (especially enjoy walking early in the morning, watching the sun come up as if I am the only person on earth)
  7. Avia/Danskin workout shorts (I am too cheap for the expensive ones but I have built myself a nice collection!!! Thanks Wal-Mart!!!
  8. Cocoa Pebbles Cereal (I realize this is not even remotely healthy…but it’s been my favorite since I was knee high to a grasshopper)
  9. My job (every day is not a dream but I LOVE being a nurse and I believe it is what God intended for me to do)
  10. My camera (I hate that I don’t have many photos of my Mom but for the same reason there are very few of myself….the Mama is always the one behind the camera. I take a lot of pictures. These are my memories. This is what life is all about. 20 years from now…I am not gonna be thinking about how much money I have in the bank right now, I will be thinking about our little vacations I have gotten to take with my family, the holidays, loved ones that are no longer here with us.)

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Current weight: 177